This is my last post. The RVA Outsider is relocating to sunny St. Peterburg, FL to begin the next chapter in my life.
I wish Richmond good luck. Good luck in becoming more welcoming to people and accepting those who may not have been born here or have blood ties here, but those who are looking for acceptance, friendship, and community in your small city.
In memory of all those who lost their lives, their loves, their friends, and their family in the 9/11 attacks.
Tuesday Morning – Melissa Etheridge
10:03 on a Tuesday morning
In the fall of an American dream
A man is doing what he knows is right
On flight 93
He loved his mom and he loved his dad
He loved his home and he loved his man
But on that bloody Tuesday morning
He died an American
Now you cannot change this
You can’t erase this
You can’t pretend this is not the truth
Even though he could not marry
Or teach your children in our schools
Because who he wants to love
Is breaking your Gods’ rules
He stood up on a Tuesday morning
In the terror he was brave
And he made his choice
And without a doubt
A hundred lives he must have saved
And the things you might take for granted
Your inalienable rights
Some might chose to deny him
Even though he gave his life
Can you live with yourself in the land of the free
And make him less of a hero than the other three
Well it might begin to change ya
In a field in Pennsylvania
Stand up America
Hear the bell now as it tolls
Wake up America
It’s Tuesday morning
Come on let’s roll
While most folks were hard at work, I was still enjoying (the getting nearer to end of) my vacation. Today I decided to check out a bunch of parks and trails and spend some time at my favorite spot on the James River. Photography is quickly becoming one of my passions. I bought a simple digital camera at Target for $179 and it gets great pics!
So todays journey began downtown at the Great Shiplock Park – this is a nice park. The trails aren’t really developed yet, but there are some great sites. You can also see a lot of the new Loft Apt’s in Shockoe Bottom. Here are some pics:
Here is the one end of the ship locks
No Fishing, No Swimming, No Diving, Don't Look To Long!
The River Lofts of Shockoe Bottom
The James at Great Shiplock Park
The Second Stop was the North Banks and Texas Beach (I haven’t really figured out where the one starts and the other one ends). Here are some pics from there.
Flower at the North Banks
This Herring did NOT like me getting close
Texas Beach on a Beautiful Day!
The James at Texas Beach
This large dragonfly didn't have a chance
Not the Geico Gecko, but still cute - with a blue tail
I finished by going to the Pump House, then wandering around Carytown. I am not looking like a Rock Lobster after coming out of a boiling pot of water (sunscreen… remember sunscreen).
I hope you enjoy my journey’s today. If you live in Richmond – these are all at your fingertips!
If you are a regular reader – you will notice that quite some time had gone by since my last posting. No, nothing has been wrong. No, nothing horrible happened. I have just been lazy. I have about 7 drafts sitting unfinished for various topics, but I just have had a bad case of writers block.
My goal is to get more active with the blog again – also to get more active in my life.
My mother and Great Aunt came to visit me last week. It was a good visit, it made me homesick a little. This was the first time that my Aunt has been in my space. While I am very open and “out” about who I am, with her (due to her very conservative views) we do not talk about it much. This trip she was able to see pictures of me and my friends, able to meet my gay friends and her our conversations and finally, she was able to her and see my mom and I interact – with my sexuality not being an issue of discomfort. I think that at times, it may have been a little too much for her. My mom said that on their drive home she made quite a few comments about how in shock she was at how “openly homosexual” I and my friends are. But guess what… that’s who I am. So maybe in the longrun some positive progress can be made from it. If no, at least she knows a little more about WHO I am.
Here are some pictures from our journeys. We went to Hollywood Cemetery, Maymont, drove the Blue Ridge Mountain drive, and went to Roanoke. Enjoy.
The pyramid at Hollywood Cemetery
Sign explaining the pyramid
Flowers at Maymont
Gardens at Maymont
More Gardens at Maymont
Mountains
Old stairs leading to an old railroad trail
Old RR tracks off the Blue Ridge Parkway
The very random Roanoke Star
History/ Info of Roanoke Star
Roanoke from the look out spot
I was having a good conversation with a few friends one night about the blog and about my viewpoint of feeling like an outsider in Richmond’s GLBT community. One of the people said, “Well don’t you kinda choose to be an outsider?” It got me to thinking.
I think that when I first moved to Richmond I tried… maybe a little too hard, to fit in. When I lived in Detroit, I worked at 2 of the “hotspots” and it was always a huge circle of friends, parties, and social opps. Moving to Richmond, I think I was under the impression that it shouldn’t be that difficult to find a group and feel my nitch again. Maybe my ego prevented me from really getting to know people? I also think that I expected Richmond to embrace a new member of the community with wide open arms. When they didn’t, I think that my pride was hurt a little and I became bitter.
What I will say is that Richmond is very different from any other town I have lived in or visited. Maybe it is a southern thing, maybe it is just this town – I don’t know. What I do know is that if you are from Richmond, you will have an easier time being accepted. That seems pretty clear not only in the gay community, but in pretty much ANY community here. There is a certain power that those of Richmond blood have. But as I talk to more people, I hear a mix of reactions. Some agree with the things that I have said – they have tried, but to no luck. Others have found their nitches pretty easily.
For me, personally, the other adjustment I have had to make is that Richmond doesn’t really have the social outlets that a lot of other cities have. When I lived in Detroit there were sports teams, Pride events, film festivals, comedy festivals, and just a large, OUT community. I have been to some of the events here and they are always small crowds. The outlets in Richmond seem to be the bars, gay.com, and the other online sites. For me, this has been hard to get into, because I am not a bar person and since I sit at a computer all day at work, sitting at the computer when I get home gets really boring.
Another challenge for me is that in large social settings, I am very shy (which people who know me never believe, but it is true). I also avoid the bars, because in large, loud settings – I can’t hear what people are saying. So, when I do venture out to the bar, I usually just stand and people watch – which people view as me being stand-offish. But again that is just me.
So… what to do? I guess that’s where I am left now – wondering how to make something happen naturally and organically, when I don’t really have a want to utilize the outlets that seem to be the most effective.
Thoughts? Comments? Let me know.
If you also feel like an outsider, what have you done to try to change this? What do you think has helped? Are there more outlets out there that maybe others aren’t aware of?
Sorry to the “regulars” that follow my blog. Life, as I like to call it, has been remotely insane lately. Relationship ending, work being crazy, a little traveling here and there, a few day trips. I was getting to the point where the only thing my house was used for was sleeping.
But, I am back… sort of. Today I am heading to Northern Virginia (or NoVA as people like to call it), to enjoy a day of relaxation and maybe some kayaking. There will definitely be pictures and a post! In the meantime, here are some random pics that I have taken down and Texas Beach and Robious Park – both great places for walking trails! Enjoy!!
My favorite area to just sit
The waterfall under the RR tracks
Deer at Robious Park
Trail at North Banks (w/ hint of my finger)
This is very early, but I just got this postcard from a co-worker and wanted to put this up so that folks could mark their calendars!!
Art Works Studio and Galleries and the Richmond SPCA are partnering up for a night of Pet Art, a silent auction, and a Pet Fashion Show.
You and your pet are invited on Friday, August 28th from 7-10pm. If you are not able to make it to this event, then show runs through September 18th.
Art Show, Silent Auction and Pet Fashion Show!
Mark your calendars for Aug. 28th 7-10pm
This following information was taken directly from the Richmond SPCA’s website, but gives more information on the event:
Art Works Show to Benefit the Richmond SPCA
A DOGmatic CATasTROPHY!
Fri, 28 Aug, 2009 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM
Each year Art Works partners with the art community to create a summer project and exhibit. In the past you’ve seen paint dropped from towers, paint blown by jet exhaust and last year the gallery partnered with the Richmond SPCA and raised over $1,000 for homeless animals. It was so much fun that we’ve decided to do it again!
The exhibit is called DOGmatic CATasTROPHY – Canines and Felines at Art Works. This juried all-media show is strictly about dogs and cats. Half of all proceeds will help support homeless animals.
The August 28 opening night for this exhibit will feature:
* Silent Auction
* Adoptable Pets
* Fashion Show
* Treats from Three Dog Bakery
* Raffle Prizes
* Live Music, Food and More!
The DOGmatic CATasTROPHY art show is a juried show. Work that pertains to dogs or cats is accepted by any artist, any medium Call for Entries is on August 21 and 22 at Art Works. The gallery talk and awards are presented at 7:30 at the opening reception.
We hope to see you there!
Location: 320 Hull Street
Richmond, VA 23224
(Map)
Fees: No charge.
Contact: 804 291.1400
For those Rocky Horror Picture Show Fans, I wanted to let you all know that this Saturday starts an ENTIRE WEEK of Rocky Horror, with proceeds going to AIDSWalk Richmond. Nationwide, communities come together to participate in yearly AIDSWalk events, raising much needed funds for education, prevention, and treatment assistance to those living with, affected by, and supporting of, people with HIV/AIDS. The Walk will be on October 17th, 2009: for more information and to sign up to donate/ participate check out their website at http://www.aidswalkrichmond.org/
I personally have been involved with HIV work since 1999 as a volunteer for AIDS Walk Michigan, AIDS Walk Flint, and AIDS Walk Detroit. In 2002 was a member of the National AIDS Funds/ Michigan AIDS Fund Americorps program and worked in HIV prevention, education, testing and counseling at Michigan’s largest and oldest HIV/AIDS organizations, AIDS Partnership Michigan until I moved to Richmond in 2005. In the years that I did testing and counseling I had told roughly 20 people that they were HIV positive. These were people of all backgrounds, social and economic status, sexual orientations, etc.
How this relates to Richmond? Roughly 3,700 citizens of the Metro Richmond area are HIV positive. 234 of those were diagnosed last year alone. Men, women and children of all ages, races and sexualities rely on the multiple Healthcare Clinics which offer low cost or free HIV related services. AIDSWalk Richmond understands that the services clinics offer at free or reduced rates can become very costly for the providers. In an event to show support to these organizations, AIDSWalk will offer donations and grants to these clinics. Funds raised by AIDSWalk Richmond will be put back directly in to the community. Rest assured AIDSWalk Richmond is dedicated to supporting RICHMOND. Your participation and generosity will make a big difference in the lives of those most affected by HIV/AIDS in our community.
Rocky Horror Week for AIDS Walk Richmond
The freaky festivities kickoff Saturday at 4 p.m. with a special shopping party at Rumors Boutique! Godfrey’s just announced free cover next Wednesday if you come dressed in character. Be sure to check www.gayrva.com/rocky for updates.
Saturday, July 11 :: Shop For A Cause & Concert
Rumors Boutique
404 North Harrison Street
Richmond, VA 23284
Get some new threads, rock some fishnets with the Rocky Horror cast, and shop for a cause with 20 percent of the Rumors’ sales going to AIDSWalk Richmond from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. At 8 p.m., Richmond punk band, The I-las, perform. All ages.
Sunday, July 12 :: Time Warp Karaoke
Barcode
6 East Grace Street
Richmond, VA
It’s a Sunday night tradition and Frankfurter’s taking part. Join the cast as they make an appearance from 10 p.m. to midnight and perform a number or two. From 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., Barcode will be donating 10 percent of all liquor sales to AIDSWalk Richmond. As an AIDSWalk Richmond partner, you can make contributions at the restaurant anytime time to the donations box at the bar.
Tuesday, July 14 :: Tuesday Turnabout
Papa Ningo
1707 East Franklin Street
Richmond, VA 23223
Papa Ningo is bringing nightlife to all Richmonders on Tuesdays with a full menu of Dominican fare. The Rocky cast performs at 11:30 sharp. The $3 cover goes to AIDSWalk Richmond. Ages 18 and up.
Wednesday, July 15 :: Wednesday Hump Night
Godfrey’s
308 East Grace Street
Richmond, Virginia 23219
Catch a short performance from the sweet transvestite and company as part of Godfrey’s amateur night. The show starts at 11 p.m. Pay no cover if you come dressed as a Rocky Horror character. Ten percent of the evening’s liquor sales go to AIDSWalk Richmond. Ages 18 and up.
Thursday, July 16 :: Rocky Hors d’ouevres
BlackFinn Richmond
1001 Haxall Point
Richmond, VA 23219
Get access to complimentary appetizers and drink specials from 7 p.m. – 9 p.m. Grab a drink from the bar and mingle in style with the cast, then catch their performance at 8 p.m. BlackFinn will match all donations from the evening. A $5 minimum is suggested.
Friday, July 17 :: The Midnight Show
Movieland at Boulevard Square
1301 North Boulevard
Richmond, VA 23230
The event culminates with a shadow performance by the cast Friday night at Movieland during a screening of the film version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The cast will be donating their personal proceeds from this special performance to AIDSWalk. Be ready to throw some toast and get in on the action. Come at 11 p.m. for a cocktail hour in Movieland’s lobby.
When I was a child, music was something that was listened to regularly at my house. Country, Rock, Blues.. just about everything. Records spun on the big radio in the living room. We even had a handful of 8-tracks. One of the records was Melissa Etheridge’s second album, “Brave and Crazy”. Even as a child I felt that there was something that Etheridge was saying to me in those lyrics.
Melissa's album 'Brave & Crazy' played through my house when I was a child
As times went on I had my obsessions with musical artists. I longed to be the 6th New Kid on the Block. Since I knew that I couldn’t, I just idolized Jordan Knight to the point that my peers started realizing something was a little different about me. I had my hair done the same way – even with the same off-center line that Jordan had shaved in his hair. I thought I was cool beyond cool.
Melissa & k.d. lang smooch at the end of the Lifebeat Concert
In 1992 a new artist grabbed my attention. Newly “out” lesbian singer, k.d. lang. On a fluke, I happened to be in a bookstore at Genesse Valley Mall in Flint, MI and looked up to see this boy-looking girl on the cover of The Advocate. I stood right there and read the whole article. I had seen this woman before… my mother and aunt had made MANY a joke about her being a man in a dress for years. So started my obsession with k.d. lang – same hairstyle, same clothes – but luckily she has moved onto wearing men’s clothing (I even dressed up as her for Halloween last year).
Yes I Am - helped me to come out and be strong
Soon after that a familiar name was mentioned as just “coming out” – Melissa Etheridge. Wait, the same Melissa Etheridge that sang to me as a child? It was now 1993 and her album “Yes I Am” was climbing the charts and not an hour went by that you didn’t hear “Come to My Window” on the radio. That loop, “I don’t care what they think. I don’t care what they say. What do they know about this love, anywaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy?” - is STILL my favorite line of all time! It spoke to me and let me know that I was not strange, I was not wrong. Even though I was not yet out to my family… I knew that one day I would be just like Melissa and I not care what anyone else thought.
Melissa during her Live and Alone tour
I have seen Melissa Etheridge enough times in concert, I think that I could have hands down paid for at least one of her 4 kids education at Harvard or Yale. Her music has been there to sing me to sleep during times of love, heartbreak, struggle, and success. I think of all the musicians that I listen to her – Etheridge has the more personal lyrics and soothing voices. She also puts on one HELL of a live show, sometimes going on for 3.5 hours. After a Melissa show I feel that I am just as tired from singing and dancing as she must be. Though her ticket prices have gotten high, they are still worth EVERY cent!!
Melissa and ex - Julie Cypher with Beckett (left) and Bailey
Melissa has been the face of coming out, gay relationships, gay parenting, and gay divorce. After her break-up with Julie Cypher (to whom her first two children Bailey and Beckett were born), she showed us that you can love again and get everything you want in. She met, dated, fell in love, and married Tammy Lynn Michaels (now Etheridge) and her music has not let up any in its passion. Melissa and Tammy now have twins to add to the Etheridge household. Melissa also has been the face of survival with her battle against Breast Cancer.
Tammy Lynn and Melissa at their wedding
Melissa helped me to come out and be the out, proud, political person I am today. When I start to sway from activism I can listen to “Silent Legacy”, “Scarecrow”, or “Tuesday Morning” Her music has helped me in my own break-ups, my own hardships and times of glory. Each of her albums bring something to the table: personally, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. She is a complete artist if there ever was one. Plus, let’s be honest – even at 48, she looks damn good with a guitar (even to a gay man).
Promo shot from the Greatest Hit album - I love Melissa's short cut
If you are not familiar with Melissa Etheridge, I HIGHLY recommend checking out her music. If you get the chance to see her live, do it! You can find page upon page of live stuff on Youtube. You can also learn more about her at www.melissetheridge.com or at her Facebook or MySpace pages.
Melissa and Tammy
My dream in life is to be able to sit down to lunch or dinner and just talk to her. I would love to just be in her presence to feel her spirit and energy. I also think the we would be very close friends! Maybe a dream, but I think we would have many things to talk about and very similar opinions on life, love, and the journey we’ve both walked.
Melissa at the Democratic Convention
So in the chance that you or Tammy may read this little blog, from a simple man in Richmond, VA – know that you have help this guy through the best and worst of times and I look forward to your new album (which began work this week). Also, if you may need another gay in your life…. feel free to email me! I am always looking for more lesbian friends!!!
Tammy (with my current haircut) and Melissa
Portland activist Bonnie Tinker, 61, died Thursday in a bicycle accident on the Virginia Tech University campus, the Virginia State Police have confirmed.
Tinker, a member of Seriously P.O.’d Grannies and director of Love Makes a Family in the Portland area, was cycling about 4:30 p.m. when a 1978 Mack truck turned right in front of her, a state police dispatcher said.
She ran into the truck, then was run over by it. She died at the scene.
The driver was hauling dirt from a construction site to Shultz Dining Hall. Virginia news sites reported that Tinker was attending a conference on campus with the Religious Society of Friends.
Tinker was a peace promoter, lesbian activist and abuse survivor. In 2008, she was arrested for protesting at the downtown Portland Armed Forces Recruiting Center.
Cecil Prescod, a member of the Love Makes a Family board of directors, said Tinker and her partner had three grown children. He said cycling was among Tinker’s hobbies.
“She had been active in the community for many years on a number of issues, from domestic violence to gay rights to, more recently, anti-war activities.”
Tinker is survived by her wife of 32 years, Sara Graham and 3 children.
From the People